21st July, 2021 [21:10pm]

I am listening to a relaxing, chill blues mix that I found on YouTube.

I have a lot of thoughts and voices racing through my mind, and there’s one thing that has been bugging me.

I’ve been off social media for just over two weeks and, to be honest, this is one of the happiest versions of myself I’ve ever been.

I wasn’t happy before because Instagram is one of the worst ever apps to exist. I thought I was happy earlier this year, in March. Since then, I’ve been at rock bottom, and I don’t think I ever told any of my family or friends that I was feeling that low.

Like deep low…

However, being on Instagram, scrolling through pictures and videos, you see all those people are happy, laughing and living their best lives.

And when there was a moment, you’re low. You’re not quite sure or understand why I can’t have this euphoria feeling…

It was depressing… I asked myself why I couldn’t have what they have.

I didn’t know what to do. It was additive, it was my drug, dopamine.

I remember the day I decided to remove myself from social media, and it was because I listened to a song that hit me really hard.

Like really hard…

It was a wakeup call and it made me realise I was searching for love, seeking validation of love.

Why?

It’s because I love the feeling of feeling love rather than knowing that I should love myself and no one else can take it away from you.

You see, on any social media platform, people post pictures and videos to show they are happy. Except that, they are not usually the happiest people. Not everybody. I am just saying it’s the truth. In my opinion…

You upload a picture because it makes you feel good, and you want to show off. I admit that I do that to myself too. But it’s there for you to show it off to everyone else.

But why?

You’re seeking to see how many likes and comments you can get and for people to know that you exist and to feel popular.

It’s toxic.

Sometimes you see the same people you care about the most, but they don’t show the same level of respect and values as you.

It hurts.

Like I said earlier, I love the feeling of love rather than loving myself. It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done to remove myself from the situation.

I love my job more and more each day. I am exploring the world and rediscovering myself.

I want to live my life in an authentic way rather than the superficial, imaginary life that people want to live and are addicted to nowadays.

I want to maximise every moment this precious world has to offer. I want to maximise every minute, second, day, month, and year to be surrounded by people who care about me and to be free, love, and happy.

I am pretty sure this is what the pandemic has taught everyone else.

It’s okay to be raw, it’s okay to be in rocky shape. The more you know yourself in the real world, meeting new people, travelling on your own, talking to people that acknowledge that you exist! It’s the best thing ever! And to top that off, by following your goals and the passion you have every day will mould you.

Good things happen when you focus on yourself when you least expect it.

It’s time for me to enjoy and watch one of my favourite superhero series…

The Flash.

Published by Thomas Irish

A Blogger, Aspiring Researcher and Arsenal Fan

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